The healthiest thing I did this week wasn’t a workout, a smoothie, or a 10K step day.
It was a decision.
A decision to return to me.
The last 12 months have been the hardest of my life. We gained clarity while losing the delusion we once held about the future of our family.
I became a full-time advocate. A full-time caregiver (not just full-time mama). And also, a homeschooling mama.
Things got... heavy. And that’s okay. That’s life.
But I won’t stay in heavy forever!
Because this is what I do: In every iteration of my life, I’ve noticed this pattern. When things hit the fan or life hands me a new role, I triage the heck out of it. I abandon pieces of myself to absorb what’s in front of me. I become what the situation demands. I carry what needs to be carried.
And then when the dust starts to settle, I start to miss myself.
Not the surface-level stuff. I’m talking about the funny, playful, LIGHT version who pokes my kids or husband in the ribs with a joke. The part of me that picks up a random hobby just to suck at something new for a while. The writer, the (terrible) dancer, the girl who sings out loud and laughs with her whole body.
And maybe it’s not about returning to her exactly. Maybe it’s more like calling her forward. Asking her to link arms with the version of me who’s now a little stronger, a little grittier and a lot more grounded.
Timing matters here. Six months ago, I was too deep in it. I couldn’t have forced this even if I tried. But now, I feel it. This lightness, this pull back into joy ... it’s moved closer. Like it’s waiting to be claimed.
And about five minutes before writing this, I made the decision: I’m ready for my next return.
To me.
To play.
To snorting at jokes.
To dancing in the kitchen while the kids half join and half tease me.
To breathing a little deeper even when nothing has technically “cleared up.”
I’m human. I carry a full plate. I understand that. And I’m not here to beat myself up on days when the weight feels heavier than the joy again. That would be weird if I didn’t feel that way with everything going on (not being vague to be annoying ... just protecting the privacy of people I love).
So yeah, this week I’m proud! I’ve prioritized protein. I haven’t missed a workout. I’ve been getting to bed at a decent time (B-minus if we’re being honest ... we’re watching The Night Of and it’s SO good, but the kids’ bedtime routines are a whole production so we're starting it after. Still, I’ve gone right to bed after the episode ends and that’s a win).
But the healthiest thing I did this week wasn't any of that. It was the decision I made to merge back up with the version of me who leans into joy much harder.
Sometimes, a decision to change -- a line drawn in the sand -- is the most pivotal choice we can make. Just saying, "That was then. And it served its purpose. But moving forward, I'm going to be the kind of person who feels _____ and does _____ and notices ______ and becomes _____."
I wonder—what was the healthiest thing you did this week? It might not be what you think of when you think “healthy habits.”
Oooooh! Maybe it's a decision you're about to make right this second!
Call it out. Own it. Be proud.
Maybe it will change everything.
XO,
Tara
P.S. Thanks for reading! My blogs are ridiculous because sometimes it's a workout, sometimes it's a new fat loss meal guide, metabolic labs to ask your doctor for, or products / books I've been loving. And then sometimes it's RAW + vulnerable and I have to pinch myself that you are still here, kinda sorta doing life with me even if we only intersect during 5-minute inbox meet-ups each week. But it means more to me than you'll ever know. <3