A letter to my kiddos on Mother's Day...
Dear Mags and Jags,
Tomorrow will be my fourth year as a mother on Mother's Day. I want you to know that I waited (im)patiently for you for a long time! I dreamed that you'd join us, Earthside, during so many long nights and even more days than I can recall.
My life no longer resembles the life I had prior to 3.5 years ago. I signed up for that. My career has drastically shifted, I have bags under my eyes, and my coffee is always cold by the time it reaches my lips. It's hard to feel like a bada$$ - in business, in life - with various bodily fluids gripping onto my shirt threads. There's 40,789 daily toddler questions and mysterious scratches on my face (didn't I just cut your nails?!) Date night now consists of squeezing in 10 minutes of Shark Tank on the DVR before the first nighttime feeding. That's right - hot dates over here in the Allen household. ;-)
Then….THEN….the sleepless nights!
Sleepless on Long Island.
Sleepless in Love.
I signed up for this.
Ugh. You know what? The sleepless nights are HARD, but they're also WONDERFUL. There, I said it. This does not mean I can't use this against you in the future, by the way. Certainly I should be able to squeeze an extra chore or 2 out of you both in the future, right? Here's the truth. I kinda, sorta cherish the sleepless nights. (Shh - don't tell Daddy!) There's something about the blanket of darkness and silence that calms my hyperactive monkey brain. As I nourish your body with mine, my soul is overflowing with joy. You see, I'm not counting the loads of laundry I didn't get to the day before or worrying about completing a client email in a few hours. I'm present. I breathe you in. There's this bond that's so overwhelmingly beautiful, it's bone-shattering (the other mamas will understand what I mean).
I signed up for this.
I literally signed up for all of this.
That first appointment I had with the fertility doc happened to fall on a hot summer day. This was helpful as my tears were camouflaged by the beads of sweat.
I signed the consent forms - all of them - for every procedure, test, poke & prod. I'd do it all again. Times a million.
I signed up to be your mama. I'm a lucky, lucky mama.
Now that we're all here, I promise to keep my feet on the ground and my eyes on the stars - thanking them for the dream-come-true. I'm not perfect (truly, I'm not!), but I promise to do my best - as humans do. I promise to love you AND YOUR MOTHER. You see, this business, the food I cook to nourish our family, the active lifestyle we lead…it's for you. It's for us. You deserve a mama that's here for you; a leading lady in your life ready to spring into action when needed or help support you through your childhood and adult challenges - changing careers, parenthood, filing for AARP. Did I mention that I plan on being here for a while? ;-)
M & J, tomorrow is Mother's Day. You are 1 & 3 years old. There may be a card for me, a brunch to celebrate me and the other special grand-mothers in your life, even a period of time in which you see me sit back for a few to take it all in. Let me tell you a secret… I won't be celebrating me. I'll be celebrating you. I'll be thanking my lucky stars and wondering what I did to deserve the best.
Magnolia and Jagger, though I prefer "mama", it ain't so bad being your "mother" on Mother's Day. Thanks for the title. Thanks for the moments. Thanks for the memories and laughter and hugs. I definitely signed up for this.